to feel
they say because I am a man I can't talk about my feelings.
they say to keep them low. i should keep them them under ceilings.
so, i raise up a few walls to keep it less revealing.
a man who feels? That couldn't be appealing!
that's the reason for suppression, that's the reason I'm concealing.
but soon pressure builds till it bursts, now it hurts.
so, now there is a need for some healing.
a pretty penny for my pensive pondering
would produce wealth way beyond your wondering.
but it's hard to get them out they've been packed down so long
that the fear of even telling is like lightning & thundering.
i could ramble on for hours, you know, just talkn' bout the weather
but ask me about my father….can't even get it together.
it's tough to break that surface, it's had time to harden, it's my leather.
if I could, I would just fly away but I've got but one feather.
so I dip this feather in ink and I let it spill onto parchment.
piercing pages with this pen pealing away pieces of drywall,
breaking downs these mental barriers. my soul needs a revival.
with each word that I write, I shed light on a dark room .
the skeletons in my closet receive life, receive sight and resurrect from their tomb.
but there's no zombie apocalypse here;
just a full mind, cluttered closet, and a heavy heart that needed to be clear
I don't always remember to write down the date when I pen a poem, but I am pretty sure this was written last summer (2012).
A few years ago, I noticed that all of my poetry were on the topic of Love. It BOTHERED me to NO end. I did not want to be the lover boy, who couldn't share a poem that wasn't discussing romance. I remember a poem that I once wrote, initially to be on something other than love. The sad thing was, it still came out as a love poem--it just was written about my love for music. It was as if I was being haunted by Love! Can that be? haha
Actually, it isn't all that bad. I was telling myself something by writing these love poems. It is very important to listen to yourself--especially as an artist. I, admittedly, love Love. It isn't shameful. I'm certainly not a hippie or anything of the sort, but I do think that the members of the PEACE & LOVE movement in the 70s were onto something--the heavy drug use aside.
Still, regardless of how I felt about my incessant love poem writing, I continued writing them. I couldn't help it. Once I embraced the "hopeless romantic" in me (it took some time), I was able to understand my nature significantly better. Thus, I was able to channel my expression into poetry that touched on other aspects of my life.
A few weeks ago, I made one of the most important decisions I will make in my lifetime: I decided to be a WRITER.
Funnily, it sounds a little strange leaving my mouth sometimes.
How does one become a writer? Do I attend Writers College?
The answer is: it depends, haha.
Being a writer only requires one thing--a strong and unhindered desire to write (for the rest of your life).
Every other requirement will be difficult; but the passion to write will move you along (so I hear). Seriously though, after the laundry list of careers I have blown through, this decision--as convicted as I am in it--has to be the one with the smallest amount of pre-set direction. I pretty much have to figure it out as I go. I have to put myself in the right places and find the right opportunities. The only problem is, the right place doesn't necessarily have "Right Place" written on its address, nor is it flashing in yellow lights propped up above the door. My success is contingent upon the amount of effort I put in. This is a common idea, of course, but the writer has no defined preliminary path as many other careers do. So, I find myself charting my own path.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best thing about being a writer is, I don't need a degree before I can wear the title. It is free for anyone to assume the role. The more serious the writer, the more successful he can potentially be. I know that I WILL be a SUCCESS. So, I need this precise moment here to document that, because I must first believe in myself, before anyone can believe in me.
You never really know if the opportunities you take advantage of will amount to anything, but persistence and faith have always led me to success . I am sure that if I keep my attitude positive and my behavior consistent, the universe will conspire on my behalf.
One thing I know for sure is that I love to write. I love it, even when I think I hate it (thanks to research papers in college). So I might as well let my words be my work.
My favorite outlet thus far has been writing poetry.
I wrote my first real poem in the 10th grade, during Spanish class (circa 2008), about my High School crush.
I swear that I was trying to pay attention, but I was overwhelmed by the urge to write.
My Greatest Fear
Overcoming my will, my hands force me to write.
Thoughts running through my head all of last night.
Why do I keep all these thoughts to myself?
And why do I not confide in someone else?
The truth is deep inside I am scared,
I can't trust those I once thought were there.
See with me I can only show how I feel
In the way that's sincere and the most real.
But maybe I come on too strong,
maybe the phone calls are too long.
Do I try too hard?
Should I have thought twice before I sent that card?
I think I reveal too much.
But I get lost when I feel your touch.
My fear, losing a love as such.
Regardless of subject matter, I love my poems because they help me return to periods in my life I don't always remember. The ability to reflect has been one of my most reliable means of therapy. Simply investigating my emotion or psychological state in a former moment has helped me understand SIGNIFICANTLY what reasons lie behind the decisions I make. I'm happy to say that my poems have been an asset as well as an ally.
Helpful Resource:
If you are a writer and are interested in taking classes to help improve your writing, or just develop your ideas, consider the following.
-Free Writing Classes at Gotham Writers Workshops (NYC Area only).
Best of Luck!
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